100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 81

Relook at your beliefs about love 

Love does not always come with red roses and mushiness. Yet, it does come to you almost everyday. You simply don’t recognise it as it’s not always romantic love, nor always from the person you expect it from. Often it may not even match the definition you have set in your head. That doesn’t mean it isn’t there. When a parent worries for you, a friend pushes you to leave a bad relationship, another pushes you to reach your potential, yet another tells you an uncomfortable truth about yourself—they are all engaging in acts of love. Notice them, acknowledge them and appreciate the love around you, in every form and from every source. That will soon bring a lot more joy and connectedness, and you’ll realise that you have a lot more than you ever truly knew.  

Photo: Carmen Eisbär

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 80

Recognise the love you’re NOT giving

We are all so busy noticing what we are not getting from others that we forget to examine what we are not giving. If you are unhappy about people not keeping in touch or calling, first ask yourself if you are keeping in touch with them. If you want them to be more involved, helpful and participative in your life, then you must be the same way with them. You can’t miss all of your friend’s birthdays and still expect them to show up for yours. Give others what you want to receive from them, be it love, praise, comfort, help or company. Create a two-way flow by recognising and giving all that you are holding back. 

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 79

Initiate meaningful conversations.

When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation with someone? More often than not, people land up making conversations about mundane stuff, gossip or things they can’t even remember. So while you don’t need to make each conversation deep and insightful, you must have adequate meaningful conversations with everyone you share  a relationship with. Truly get to “know” the people you interact with .  Ask them about their lives and listen fully to what they are saying. Appreciate their sharing, ask the right questions, show genuine interest and keep the exchange authentic. Some may be more reserved than others, but keep trying because meaningful conversations are the key to meaningful relationships. And do keep in mind that texting, taking calls and being distracted during in conversation that you are trying to make meaningful, is a complete no-no!

Photo:John Benson

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 78

What you eat affects your moods & happiness

We all know that eating good food promotes overall health and well-being, but do you know that what you eat also impacts how you feel?  Research proves that your food choices effect your mental health. Brain chemicals  influence the way we think, feel and behave – and they can be affected by what we've eaten. Like sweets give a spike of energy followed by a crashing low, and sugar is linked to addictive eating, and even schizophrenia. Long-term unhealthy diets can cause depression, mood swings and an array of other problems. So consider modifying your eating habits to feel happier and more energised. 

Photo: Zoltán Kelemen

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 77

Have clear intention to set a clear direction.

You will not arrive where you want unless you have the intention to get there first. Sure you’ll get somewhere without an intention, but it will mostly not be where you wish to be, or in a manner that you like. You can only achieve a desired outcome by having a clear intention, so make sure you set one for everything you want in life -- happiness and fulfilment will follow.

Photo: KB Ansari

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 76

Give people space. Be soulmates, not cellmates!

Even if you are soulmates, you are not cellmates! Weather you are lovers, spouses, parents or friends, it’s important to know the value of giving people their space. No matter how close or intimate your relationship with another may be, you have to allow others and yourself some time to be alone or with other people – doing things other than being with you! This allows you both to grow, develop and flourish as people. It also creates more mutual respect and ensures a healthy long term relationship.

                                                        Photo: Steven Depolo

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 75

When you hurt someone, do it gently and with decency.

We all get hurt sometimes. We also knowingly hurt others, at some point or the other. For example when we break up with someone because we are “over” them, or it’s just not working for us. Or when we fire somebody who is a great person but just not right for the job. 

Now, we may not be able to control causing hurt, but the important thing is that while doing so, we do it as gently and kindly as possible. Be compassionate, praise the person for all the good things they have done. Offer an honest explanation so they can have closure. Apologise if needed. If the situation is conducive to maintaining contact, offer help in any way possible. Most importantly, be decent. Don’t get defensive, obnoxious, break the other person's confidence or useful things they have shared in confidence with you.

Photo: Will Cyr

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 74

Accept that your partner is not perfect. Nor are you!

Have realistic expectations of your partner. Don’t expect them to read your mind. Or live up to an unrealistic list of qualities that your “ideal partner” was meant to have. It’s hard to find a person who has it all -- looks, intelligence, romance, humor, success, patience, culinary skills, knowledge, ability to a good parent, and whatever else you list comprises.   In all likelihood, you not quite that perfect yourself.  So instead of sulking, feeling let down or complaining, appreciate your partner for who they are. Looks for traits that really matter. Like compassion, understanding, kindness, humaneness, generosity and a loving heart.

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 73

Put your heart out there!
If you have never loved -- in the true, deep, crazy, irrational, passionate & heartbreaking way -- then you have never lived. So go on, put your heart out there. Take some chances. It’s never too late. Don't be afraid because it's truly better to have loved and lost, than never have loved at all.

                                 

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 72

Have a Healthy Outlet

Here’s an odd fact -- Many people with well paying jobs, great careers, beautiful families and fancy homes end up being depressed or breaking down mentally and physically. They take on too much and don’t have a healthy outlet for their fears, failures (real or perceived), nerves, insecurities and struggles. Eventually, these repressed demons raise their head and pull them down. On the other hand, the happiest people have a healthy outlet. They were considerate, humane, possess a rich sense of humour, and are often involved with a routine physical activity. So in order to be happy, it’s important to develop a healthy outlet like committing to helping others, lightening up, laughing more, playing a sport or doing yoga.

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 71

Create unconditional compassion for yourself…

That leads naturally to unconditional #compassion for others. If you are willing to stand fully in your own shoes and never give up on yourself, then you will be able to put yourself in the shoes of others and never give up on them. True compassion does not come from wanting to help those less fortunate than yourself, but from realizing your kinship with all beings.

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 70

Find your ‘flow’ 

People are said to be happiest when they are in a state of #flow. But what does that mean? Flow is a state where you are completely absorbed in a meaningful activity, that challenges your abilities, especially your creative ones. It’s an optimal experience during which you feel strong, alert, in effortless control, unselfconscious, and at the peak of their abilities. So watching TV does not count. In fact, it is proven to produce some of the lowest levels of happiness. Flow-producing activities could include active leisure, but they usually require an initial investment of attention before they become enjoyable. So to it’s important to do some thinking. Find your flow and cultivate it.

#Psychologist #Csíkszentmihályi has identified 10 experiences that go with the state of being in flow, and these could help you identify yours:

1.Having a clear understanding of what you want to achieve.

2.Being able to concentrate for a sustained period of time.

3.Losing the feeling of consciousness of one's self.

4.Finding that time passes quickly.

5.Getting direct and immediate feedback.

6.Experiencing a balance between your ability levels, and the challenge.

7.Having a sense of personal control over the situation.

8.Feeling that the activity is intrinsically rewarding.

9.Lacking awareness of bodily needs.

10. Being completely absorbed in the activity itself.

Remember that all of these factors and experiences don't necessarily have to be in place for flow to happen. But you're likely to experience many of them when flow occurs.

Csíkszentmihályi has also identified 3 things that must be present if you want to enter a state of flow:

1.Goals – #Goals add motivation and structure to what you're doing. Whether you're learning a new piece of music or creating a presentation, you must be working towards a goal to experience flow.

2.Balance – There must be a good #balance between your perceived skill and the perceived challenge of the task. If one of these weighs more heavily than the other, flow probably won't occur.

3.Feedback – You must have clear, immediate #feedback, so that you can make changes and improve your performance. This can be feedback from other people, or the awareness that you're making progress with the task.

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 69

Surround yourself with happy people.

#Happiness is a very contagious condition, so make the effort to surround yourself with happy and positive people. They can lift your spirits and make you more optimistic. You may also end up  smiling and laughing a lot more around happy people, thus leading to a surge in your “happy” hormones. Being with happy people can also have a positive impact on your overall disposition and perspective in the long term. On the other hand, unhappy people can make you pessimistic, pull your spirits down, feed on your energy, and make you see the downside of everything. So it’s important you chose your company well…choose the happies :)

 Photo: Spirit Fire

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 68

Improve your mental hygiene. 

Creating a healthy and hygienic mental environment means clearing your mind of clutter, negative thoughts, patterns, feelings and behaviors. May sound like a lot of work, but just as a man riding a giant and powerful elephant can learn to control it, you too can learn to control your thoughts by choosing them more deliberately and with care.    Stop #NegativeThoughts the moment they start to arise. Say no to them and immediately replace them with a positive thought. May seem like a forced effort in the beginning, but soon it will start to flow naturally. Similarly, avoid speaking ill of people, stop yourself from repeating #NegativePatterns, behaviors and indulging in #BadHabits – and replace each of them with a more useful or positive statement, thought or action.

Image: Daribol 

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 67

Plan your finances better & live within your means.

Financial stress and pressure can become a huge impediment on the path to happiness. To get this out of the way, start managing your finances better right now. Live within your means, whatever they may be. Which means no overspending and actively avoiding debt.  Here are few tips -- Freeze credit cards or use them only as an emergency back-up. Pay bills on time to avoid penalties. Simplify your life. Consume less. Look for better deals. Never spend more to keep up with others or appearances. Make a monthly budget and stick to it. Withdraw cash and allocate in envelopes according to your budget, and only spend from there. If you are taking a car or house loan, don’t get carried away and buy a fancier house or car than needed. Consider staying on rent. It often makes much more financial sense. Spend according to what you earn now, not what you will earn a few months or years from now. And no matter what happens, SAVE for an emergency fund.

Photo: 401kcalculator

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 66

Own yourself. 

Accept yourself with all your good, bad and ugly. Embrace and accept your past, present, personality, looks, strengths, weaknesses, mistakes, shortcomings, quirks, blind spots, and everything else that comprises the whole called YOU.  Work on being comfortable in your own skin and stop worrying about what people think of you. Your only concern should be what you think of yourself, and how much you like yourself. Don't apologize for something which is a part of you, like your personality, looks, talent (or lack of it), likes or dislikes.  Wear what you want, express your thoughts without fear of judgment, and follow what feels right to you. Be the only one to own yourself, and do so with confidence, joy and pride.

Photo: Key Foster

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 65

Your past is a school. Not a club!

Don’t hang around your past like it’s a club and you, its loyal member.  Instead, think of it as your school. Learn your lessons, remember them well, graduate and move on. Just like you don’t keep visiting and spending time in your school after you pass out, don’t keep revisiting and hanging around in your past. Simply apply your “education” to design and create a better future.  

Photo: Nomad Tales

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 64

Don’t Hoard! Experience. Enjoy :)

That great outfit, the fine wine, the beautiful crockery, the crisp linen, the expensive perfume --- don’t just hoard them. Take them out right now and use them. Enjoy them. Don’t save them for others or for another day. They are your things and you should be the one getting the most pleasure from them.  Same with money. Don’t just keep saving. Spend some on a holiday to a great new place. Indulge in a thrilling adventure or something else that will bring you joy. Go on – open those cupboards or loosen the purse strings. Start enjoying life because #happiness can’t be hoarded.   

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 63

If you enjoy something, do it more often!

Sounds obvious and outrageously simple? Well, think about all things you really enjoy and how often you end up doing them. It may be hanging out with a dear friend, reading a book, watching movies, #trekking, visiting an #ArtShow, or just about anything else that pleases you greatly. Now, think about all the things you don’t enjoy and how often you land up doing them anyway. Like being stuck at boring events and parties, unhappily accompanying your partner for something you have no interest in, performing tedious chores etc. Think of how you can find smart ways of “saving” time from the hours spend on these activities. And instead, “invest” this time in things you enjoy. #Happiness lies in the little pleasures of life. Go gather them. #Enjoy them!

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100 Rules of Happiness: Rule 62

Don’t stew in your guilt. Deal with it.

Guilt is a wonderful thing for society, because it keeps it in check. You can use it to re-examine your behavior, catalyze positive action or paralyze you. Appropriate guilt is useful in making amends for wrongs. But, unfounded, misplaced, excessive or extended #guilt can be #SelfDestructive. It can create unhappiness, resentment and #depression. It’s important you deal with guilt in a constructive manner and move on. 

1. Recognize your guilt, its cause and purpose
2. Make amends or changes as soon as possible
3. Learning from your behaviors
4. Accept you did something wrong, ask for #forgiveness
5. Forgive yourself, and move on

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