Know Your Emotional Vampires

#EmotionalVampires come in various shapes, sizes and forms. They don’t wear capes, fly, grow fangs or drink blood, but these vampires disguised as relatives, friends, spouses, co-workers and bosses, feed on your energy, time and sometimes, your money!

Interactions with them leave you feeling emotionally drained, physically tired, sleepy, irritable, angry, inadequate, under- confident, hopeless, trapped or afraid. As your mood can nosedive when you are around them and they can effect both your emotional and physical health, it’s important to identify them and know what emotional garlic to wear around them.

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Types of Emotional Vampires

Emotional vampires are everywhere. Here are some common types to help you identify them easily.

1: The Narcissist

He needs constant attention and praise is self-important, and self-centered. He expects to be complimented and praised. Your feelings and interests are of little significance though he can be quite charming.   When his status is threatened and things don’t go his way, he turns cold, mean and vindictive.

Self-Defense Tips

He is an emotionally limited person. Keep your emotional distance and stay detached. Never share anything that can later be used against you. Your self-worth can’t be dependent on his opinion. His only concern is himself and if you want anything from him, pander to his ego and show him how it is a benefit for him.

2: The Victim

This one thinks the world is against him and is always in need of rescuing. He is needy and always feels he has been wronged. He wallows in self-pity and seldom takes responsibility for his actions. He remains in “poor me” mode and any solution offered is accepted with a “Ya, but…” He is exasperating and his tales of misery can overwhelm you to the point of wanting to avoid him.

Self-Defense Tips

Playing therapist will not help because he doesn’t really want a solution. He exists in a state of constant wallowing so limit your interactions, and don’t get involved in self-pity. Listen briefly to problems but redirect to solutions. If this does not work use body language like breaking eye contact, crossing your arms or looking distracted to show disinterest.  If all else fails, make a believable excuse to exit.

3: The Control Freak

He has an opinion about everything, loves to dominate and thinks he knows what’s best. He has a rigid sense of right and wrong, is rarely fun or spontaneous.  He often asks “You know what you need?” and before you can answer, tells you how you’re supposed to behave or feel leaving you unsure of yourself.

Self-Defense Tips

Be constructively assertive by stating your needs and point of view. Say, “I appreciate your advice but really have to work through this myself.” Be confident about your opinions and decisions and don’t be afraid to cordially agree to disagree.

4: The Criticizer

Highly judgmental, critical, caustic and condemnatory, he judges and belittles to massage his own ego. He puts others down, easily points out flaws, yet never sees his own. He fills you with self-doubt and you feel inadequate around him.

Self-Defense Tips

Realize this person highlights your shortcomings as a way of covering his own. Don’t let him ramble on.  Express appreciation for what’s useful, address his misplaced criticism directly, and don’t take any of it personally.

5. The Splitter

He is a man of extremes seeing the world as black or white. There is little space for the middle path. He has serious rage issues and is unpredictable. He deftly pits people against each other and thrives on getting extreme emotional reactions from people. He is an emotionally malfunctioning Kalishnikov and being around him is like walking on a minefield.

#SelfDefense Tips

He feeds off anger so no matter what, stay calm! Don’t react when he pushes your buttons. Instead define some limits. If he goes into a rage, tell him, “We’ll talk when you’re calmer”. If he tries to suck you into a further interaction, politely leave the room to avoid his politicking and you having to choose sides.

The behavior of emotional vampires stems from negative experiences and programming. They feed off emotional energy because of a possible deficit of love, attention, approval, personal power or validation. Beneath their cape of confidence exists low self-esteem, doubt, guilt, inadequacy, or fear. Be compassionate, but always set limits. The only power they have is what you give them. Ultimately, the better you feel about yourself, the less you will be affected by these emotional vampires.

Note: The flower featured in this pic is called the "Bleeding Heart"

It has a delicate  mounded foliage with arching stems of heart-shaped flowers .

It thrives in moist woodland gardens along with ferns and other shade-lovers.

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Beginner's Guide To Dance Therapy

What’s the one thing man did even before he knew how to light a fire? Dance! The ancients used dance as a part of worship and healing. They tried to copy nature through movement and sound in an attempt to connect with the ‘Spirit’. This was the origin of dance. It became a method of prayer, used regularly to promote spiritual and physical well being. As time moved on, cultures evolved and so did the place of dance in various societies. However, what most people forgot was that dance really is a #DoorwayToThesoul. What more, #DanceTherapy is one of the most powerful spiritual and inner wellness techniques that just about anyone can practice and enjoy.

Embracing dance as a #SpiritualPractice

#Dance is a meditation for physical, emotional and spiritual release. #DanceMeditation is a spiritual practice that can be extremely enjoyable. It’s a great stress buster. It can help rise above your usual left brained , linear thinking process and access the wisdom of your body through movement. And it grounds your body, creates wellness and helps transcend your ordinary mind and access the Divine. And it’s so simple, it’s almost unbelievable!

When

Anytime. Or when you are on the verge of exploding with stress, try meditative dance to help you figure what’s going on. It reduces stress, builds confidence, fuels creativity and releases mental blocks. Besides, it enables the mind and the body to work harmoniously and create internal balance.

Where

You can practice dance meditation in any space that offers privacy…unless of course you prefer an audience! You can practice in a room, on a private terrace or even a lawn. As long as you have enough empty space to move around. Remove anything breakable or sharp. Ensure that it’s a space where you will not be conscious of being watched.

What you need

Rhythmic, percussive music that’s devoid of lyrics as these create a distraction and break the meditative state. Popular “trance” music works well too. Use a regular music system or a portable MP3 device with headphones. Wear comfortable, lose clothing. Be barefoot if possible as this grounds you better to the earth. Keep a blindfold. Remove all accessories – spectacles, watches, jewellery. And NO mobile phones!

How

1. Play the music as loud as possible, so that that you can actually feel the vibrations it creates. Dance non stop for at least 30 minutes at a stretch.

2. Use a blindfold as a #SpiritualTool that helps block out distractions and focus on your inner experience and visions. This creates an altered state where there is no one but one's self. And this inner journey helps us connect with our higher consciousness.

2. Banish your inhibitions. Throw them out for a while. DANCE!! Don’t just move around like you are in a packed pub or a sardine sealed in a tin. Move every part of your body. Try new movements. Flow with the music instead of performing “dance steps”. If nothing comes to mind, take inspiration from nature. Dance like the flowing stream, a waterfall, the wind, a bird, a wildly swaying tree, a deer. Don’t be self conscious. Be free.

3. While dancing, focus on your dance. Try to feel connected to your #HigherPower . You may find various emotions suddenly popping up. Simply carry on dancing despite these. Don’t hold back. Laugh, cry or scream, but don’t stop. Dance through all your feelings and see how you feel at the end.

4. Once you have danced for as long as you can, sit down, bring your awareness to your breath and #meditate.

Once you embrace dance #meditation, you will see how new possibilities will soon start flowering in your life. And when you become one with it, you can spread the joy of this wonderful practice by asking people close to you to join in.

Photo: Bindiya Murgai

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Soul Sherpa's Guide to Creating Your Spiritual Kitchen

If working in your kitchen seems like a mundane and tedious chore that you simply have to perform, then perhaps you need to change how how you perceive your kitchen and what it really represents to you. Often people put most of their energy and effort in to making all the other rooms look wonderful, and leave the kitchen out as just a utility space that doesn't need much aesthetic, spiritual and vibrational tending. That itself is an incorrect assumption that needs urgent fixing, as the kitchen is the most vital space in any home. It is where our nourishment and sustenance comes from. It is the "source" of our domestic well being, one that needs transformation to create wellness. So why wait for another day to transform your kitchen from a space that represents boredom, routine and tediousness, into an an oasis of peace, relaxation and revitalization. Start now and elevate it to an honored place – a #SacredKitchen!

Photo Courtesy: Matthew Paulson , Creative Commons

Clear the clutter
Start by clearing the clutter as it accumulates negative energy. Broken utensils, take away containers, odd pieces of crockery and cutlery are most commonly accumulated clutter. Donate these to someone who can use them. Then neatly organize the rest.  

Create a sacred ambience

To reclaim the sanctity of your kitchen, you must start by creating a sacred ambience. Make it warm and inviting by adding colors that make you feel happy. Keep a basket filled with fresh fruits or flowers. When picking appliances, try to keep a uniform color theme. If your kitchen is cramped, go for wall racks to neatly hang pans and cups. Avoid plastics. They are bad for health and aesthetics! Pick colorful crockery that brightens your mood and gives food a facelift. Keep the lighting warm. Hanging lamps create beautiful pools of light that can be adjusted according to your mood and requirement. Finally, have the right exhaust and cooling mechanism in place because it’s hard to enjoy the sacred when you’re melting faster than a cheesecake!

Create the right vibrations

Be careful not to have your TV or harsh sounds floating into your kitchen. Instead, invest in a small music system for your kitchen. Play soothing music, sounds of nature or chants. These sounds have healing vibrations that affect your body, water, food and surroundings. Start your cooking with the intention that whatever you prepare will carry the vibration of love into your body and those you’re cooking for.

Work on the life force

The vibrant hidden energy in every living thing is called the life force. It permeates everything in our world. Most cultures acknowledge it. Hindus call it prana. The Chinese call it Chi. When there is enough life flow in your body, you stay healthy and vital, while blockages make you sick, depressed and sluggish. Food plays an important role in replenishing your life force. The more “lively” the food, the higher the life force in it.  So try to fill your kitchen with as much unprocessed, natural and fresh food as possible.

Create your own sacred garden

Find a corner in your kitchen to create a #SacredGarden. Start by growing herbs that you use often. Use only organic soil and compost. Let the kids paint the herb containers and write words like love, joy, health, peace and abundance on them. Believe that each of these herbs is a physical manifestation of the word on the pot, and your intention will work in supercharging them with that emotion.

Heal yourself in the kitchen

Treat your kitchen as a healing sanctuary. Slip into something comfortable, play music and enjoy the meditative quality of kitchen work. Do it with mindfulness, focusing on what you’re doing, rather than thinking about something else. #Mindfulness is very relaxing and energizing.  It flushes out our emotional and mental toxins , healing us on a regular basis and preparing us for the day ahead. Even washing dishes mindfully is a form of meditation and can be very relaxing and restorative.

Make your own “Secret Ingredient” box

Your state of mind while you cook has a direct effect on the nourishing potential of the food you make. Positive attitude and loving energy are the #SecretIngredients of the best meals. Create a special box in which you store this “secret ingredient” and place it prominently so that it serves as a reminder - to add love and & positive energy to  anything you prepare in your #SacredKitchen.

Kitchen Karma

Feeding someone is one of the best ways to accumulate good karma. Be it your family or guests. The more people you cook for, the more good karma you gather. So the next time you have to entertain a ton of guests, don’t let it stress you out. Embrace the opportunity to build on your #KitchenKarma.

Zen of serving

Anything that comes out of your sacred kitchen must be pleasing to all the senses. Presentation is an essential part of truly savoring a good meal, so spend a few extra minutes on it. Pull out your fine crockery and cutlery.  Make the eating area inviting and relaxing. Place some candles on the table, put nice place mats and fresh flowers. Sit back, express gratitude to the universe and enjoy every meal that comes out of your sacred kitchen. Because each one will be truly special!

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Spirituality In Daily Life : Find Your Daily Spiritual Balance

With each passing day, more and more people are making a conscious choice of dissolving their #ReligiousBeliefs in order to embrace #spirituality. Loaded with rituals, doctrines and holy men, religion has sprayed a mist of disenchantment on people. As a society that’s revaluating its beliefs, spirituality gives us the freedom to connect with  the infinite  possibilities of God that are manifested in the universe. And it allows us to do so simply through our thoughts and experiences. It’s more personal. Immediate. Devoid of human conduits. Most importantly, devoid of fear. Spirituality is #liberating and #joyous. But can we incorporate  #SpiritualityInDailyLife? Yes, and it’s simpler than sitting on top of a mountain (though that’s great too!). Here’s how…

                                                      Photo (c) D Sharon Pruit. Used via Creative Commons Copyright

Step 1: Appreciating the #MiraclesOfDailyLife

Start each day by appreciating the miracles of life. Yes, they exist all around us, we just need to become keen observers and be #mindful of them. #Miracles need not always be huge, life altering events. #LovingParents, a good #LifePartner, #HealthyChildren, friends , #GoodHealth, a comfortable home, jobs, safe travel , the food we eat, these are all miracles. Notice them. Acknowledge them. Be grateful for them. And no matter how grouchy you feel, start the day with gratitude and a smile!

Step 2: Ten minutes in 24 hours

Start by setting aside ten minutes every single day for #SpiritualPractice. Ideally chose a time of the day when you are fresh and most relaxed.  Although any time can be an opportunity, taking ten minutes out when you are already running late for office or stressed about how to juggle between picking up your kids , stocking the groceries and cooking lunch may not be the best time. Once you make a habit of taking out ten minutes, you can increase the duration in small increments. There is no prescribed time. Do what seems comfortable.

 Step 3: Identifying the #ZenSpot

Identify a location that is part of your daily life. It should be quiet and without too many distractions.  Try to make a small #Zen corner at home. It can be a corner of a room with a comfortable sofa or floor cushion. Throw in a rug, a small lamp with soft light. Stimulate your senses and deepen your #SpiritualExperience by lighting some candles, incense and playing soft music. Although sounds of nature, soothing instruments and chants work well for most people, trance, Indian or western classical could work just as well for you. Just avoid lyrics and harsh sounds as these will not be conducive to creating a calm atmosphere.

In case you can not have a Zen corner at home, your office cubicle will also work fine, during lunch time. Or your car, if you are being driven. Even the park next door, for that matter. Of course you can’t light candles and incense, but the experience can be just as fulfilling. 

Step 4: Tuning Out the Distractions

Remember this time you set aside must be devoid of distractions. Tune out  from the noise and clamour of everything around you. Put your phone off or at least on silent mode (non vibration pls !). Do not look at it at all. If you are at home, request everyone not to disturb you during that time. Make them understand it’s important to you. Shut the door if possible, and try to leave your worries and deadlines out as well.

Step 5: The #ArtOfBeing

In this time that you set aside, you need to just be. Don’t run over the events of the day. Don’t start worrying about all that needs to be done. Just settle in comfortably on your seat, but sit straight.  Relax every part of your body consciously, starting from your head to your toes. Then bring your awareness to your breath. Just follow it as it travels in and out of your body. Every now and then, other thoughts will drift in. Don’t fight them or engage them. Simply bring your awareness back to your breath. In a few days you will see the seeds of this simple exercise flowering into your consciousness.

Finding you #DailySpiritualBalance is not a long drawn exercise that needs extensive time to be fitted into your already busy routine. All it really takes is literally a few minutes and a conscious effort to weave this time into you daily life. You'll soon see how much of a positive difference it makes to the quality of your thinking and being. Do try it for yourself :)