#EmotionalVampires come in various shapes, sizes and forms. They don’t wear capes, fly, grow fangs or drink blood, but these vampires disguised as relatives, friends, spouses, co-workers and bosses, feed on your energy, time and sometimes, your money!
Interactions with them leave you feeling emotionally drained, physically tired, sleepy, irritable, angry, inadequate, under- confident, hopeless, trapped or afraid. As your mood can nosedive when you are around them and they can effect both your emotional and physical health, it’s important to identify them and know what emotional garlic to wear around them.
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Types of Emotional Vampires
Emotional vampires are everywhere. Here are some common types to help you identify them easily.
1: The Narcissist
He needs constant attention and praise is self-important, and self-centered. He expects to be complimented and praised. Your feelings and interests are of little significance though he can be quite charming. When his status is threatened and things don’t go his way, he turns cold, mean and vindictive.
Self-Defense Tips
He is an emotionally limited person. Keep your emotional distance and stay detached. Never share anything that can later be used against you. Your self-worth can’t be dependent on his opinion. His only concern is himself and if you want anything from him, pander to his ego and show him how it is a benefit for him.
This one thinks the world is against him and is always in need of rescuing. He is needy and always feels he has been wronged. He wallows in self-pity and seldom takes responsibility for his actions. He remains in “poor me” mode and any solution offered is accepted with a “Ya, but…” He is exasperating and his tales of misery can overwhelm you to the point of wanting to avoid him.
Playing therapist will not help because he doesn’t really want a solution. He exists in a state of constant wallowing so limit your interactions, and don’t get involved in self-pity. Listen briefly to problems but redirect to solutions. If this does not work use body language like breaking eye contact, crossing your arms or looking distracted to show disinterest. If all else fails, make a believable excuse to exit.
3: The Control Freak
He has an opinion about everything, loves to dominate and thinks he knows what’s best. He has a rigid sense of right and wrong, is rarely fun or spontaneous. He often asks “You know what you need?” and before you can answer, tells you how you’re supposed to behave or feel leaving you unsure of yourself.
Be constructively assertive by stating your needs and point of view. Say, “I appreciate your advice but really have to work through this myself.” Be confident about your opinions and decisions and don’t be afraid to cordially agree to disagree.
4: The Criticizer
Highly judgmental, critical, caustic and condemnatory, he judges and belittles to massage his own ego. He puts others down, easily points out flaws, yet never sees his own. He fills you with self-doubt and you feel inadequate around him.
Realize this person highlights your shortcomings as a way of covering his own. Don’t let him ramble on. Express appreciation for what’s useful, address his misplaced criticism directly, and don’t take any of it personally.
5. The Splitter
He is a man of extremes seeing the world as black or white. There is little space for the middle path. He has serious rage issues and is unpredictable. He deftly pits people against each other and thrives on getting extreme emotional reactions from people. He is an emotionally malfunctioning Kalishnikov and being around him is like walking on a minefield.
#SelfDefense Tips
He feeds off anger so no matter what, stay calm! Don’t react when he pushes your buttons. Instead define some limits. If he goes into a rage, tell him, “We’ll talk when you’re calmer”. If he tries to suck you into a further interaction, politely leave the room to avoid his politicking and you having to choose sides.
The behavior of emotional vampires stems from negative experiences and programming. They feed off emotional energy because of a possible deficit of love, attention, approval, personal power or validation. Beneath their cape of confidence exists low self-esteem, doubt, guilt, inadequacy, or fear. Be compassionate, but always set limits. The only power they have is what you give them. Ultimately, the better you feel about yourself, the less you will be affected by these emotional vampires.
Note: The flower featured in this pic is called the "Bleeding Heart"
It has a delicate mounded foliage with arching stems of heart-shaped flowers .
It thrives in moist woodland gardens along with ferns and other shade-lovers.
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